Thursday, August 19, 2010

Fighting Umbrella Corporation

Hey guys! I'm back from the dead! If you missed me, then blame my job and those damnably addictive Facebook games.

Anyway, I'm taking part in Nuffnang's latest movie contest, in hopes of winning 2 tickets to Resident Evil: Afterlife in 3D (and the Sony 16GB Video Walkman). I'm supposed to tell you guys how I would go against the evil Umbrella Corporation if I were Alice or Claire. I'm gonna choose Alice though, because she's hot! Plus, she can really kick some zombie ass! Technically, I actually think that Claire is hotter, but I'd know...uh...nevermind.

So getting back to the subject at hand, if I were Alice, the first thing I would do to fight the Umbrella Corporation would be to scream like a little girl because the latest Resident Evil movie is coming! 

Oh wait. That's just me Oopsie. 

What I would really do as Alice is I would arm myself better. Yup. I like guns, after all. I'd go to some military base, karate all the zombies there and get me some big ass, top of the line guns, rocket launchers and  the works, plus an armor plated, fully bulletproofed Humvee. Then I would find the nearest Umbrella HQ and bomb it. After that I'd find another Umbrella HQ and send them a message to start working on a cure for the zombies which can be administered from a distance. Preferably being dropped from the sky like pesticide for crops. 

If they refuse, me and my army of cloned Alices (as seen at the end of the last movie) would hunt them down one by one like my dad hunts for ticks on my dog. 

Once we have enough of them we'd implant remote detonating bombs in each person and air-drop them one by one, starting from the bureaucrats, in heavily zombie infested areas as bait. Then, when there are enough zombies converging around them like people around the food at the Prime Minister's Raya Open House, we'd detonate the bombs.

I think Umbrella will eventually come around to my way of thinking, don't you? 

And yes, I'm very sadistic. 

However, this is only what I would do if I were Alice (and have a gazillion cloned Alices to cover my ass). If I were just being myself, I probably woulda become zombie food ages ago while out foraging for something as ridiculous as clean toilet paper. 

The End.


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